I think i peed on brittanys purse
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
