your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize