this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
