There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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