also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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