Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
