Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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