So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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