she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
