Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
