: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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