Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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