you guys were way drunker than both of me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
