I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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