I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
