WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
