no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
