Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
