The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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