What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
