could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize