she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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