i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
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Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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