they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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