just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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