I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
