Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
