NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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