I wish I could teleport
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
