are you still at the devil's house?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this hospital has no fireball
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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