I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
