There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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