i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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