A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
