now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
