so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
