Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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