every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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