Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
