bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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