he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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