I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
