So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
