she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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