We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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