I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
