It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
