i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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