Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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