We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
whose parrot is this?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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