I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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