Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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