I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
