im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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