my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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