Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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