cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There r osticjed everywhere
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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