I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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