He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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