so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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