apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
