Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
only if we run a train.
done.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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