Those balls look pretty dangerous.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
