she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
