Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
