I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
